Just DO it! (#LiA Call, BIG time!)
|December 30, 2015||Posted by Aileen Sabira under About Aileen, Cancer, Caring, Communication, Compassion, Connected, Connections, Consciousness, emotional honesty, Grief and Loss, spirituality, Trauma and Trauma Healing|
So… I wasn’t planning on doing a blog today. On sitting in deep contemplation. On a profound conversation, a message from a friend that was a “wow, your world is totally changed in one conversation” for them kind of chat. One that was prompted by me following my heart. Just by a simple share of a video in an email.
See, my heart said “You need to check on this person. Just drop this video of a song you performed some time back on them.” My *MIND* , that wonderful active engaged protector ego self that likes to THINK, got busy.
“Oh, this is because you know they are into music”
“Oh, this is because they are a Christian so you know they will like it.”
And then I started to make myself WRONG for wanting to reach out and give them a gift, something of myself.
Gee, was it because I didn’t share this song this year?
Was it because I hoped to impress them?
Was it because I might want something from them?
Approval? Kudos? Did I think I COULD impress them?
you know, those voices that can go on, and on, and on……
It is good at times to question our motivations. Absolutely and in the deepest way, YES.
AND ~ my initial impulse.
That is what I go back to. Every time.
What did that impulse FEEL like?
Was it light, easy, pure, full of the joy of giving without any strings? Really?
The answer was yes…..
Not the edgy, anxious and belittling voices that can misguide my heart ~ and yours too? I bet it can! For all artists, creatives, all people can be misguided SO easily, definitely for me, by the deception and doubt….
What was that answer? Not the stuff that flies in almost instantly after a beautiful shaft of light in guidance cuts through the drudgery of this being human….. the nagging, judging voices …… but….
The real stuff, the goodness, the moment and the gift ….
and that was a bright yes ….
So, I sent a little email. “Hey, thinking of you. Had a feeling you might like to hear this song today.” Along with a link to the song ~
(the video title states the songwriters but may not give credit to my brilliant pianist/collaborator on this piece, my dear friend Andrew Kraus )
In minutes I got a response back ……
They at first just wrote back “Thanks.” Something prompted me to say more. To tell them how people have always asked if I wrote it because it has always seemed so strong to me. So personal. And ESPECIALLY after I had been diagnosed with and in treatment for cancer. That my ex’s daughter said, when I sang it for the church we attended at Christmas service ~ “you know, change a few words there and you have a cancer song”.
I didn’t tell them that she and I then talked about that after she said that. Yes, a cancer song. A song about ANY problem that we face or survive. How we can be in a space of love and grace in the midst of challenges. To surrender to the moment and allow LOVE and LIGHT in ……
But for some unknown reason I really felt like I had to tell them that……
That she felt it could be a cancer song ……
Then they wrote back briefly. They found out yesterday they have a beloved family member that is sick. Dying, given just weeks to live. Yes, from cancer ……..
*** FUCK!!! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK FUCK!!!! ***
That was my response to them. Yup, swearingest spiritual person you may ever meet. Because I believe in being however I am, all of me. Knowing that the Divine will love me here. Exactly as I am. And when I don’t know, I try to remember.
I may not be perfect, often far from it. I know it slays my friends when they hear me swear. Knowing me always to be seeking the good in the bad, in all of life. A deeply spiritual being. And yes, I swear. It seems such a shock to them ….. but I do. There ya have it.
Because sometimes it is the most visceral and honest response my being has to give in that moment. Has it developed as a functioning protective mechanism? Yes. In one way for sure it has. AND, it is just simple, visceral, honest, real. And that is totally what I felt as I conversed with my friend via email.
NO! Not another good person dying. Not near me. Not with cancer.
NO NO NO NO NOOOO!!
And yet, I almost instantly sat in awe. And gratitude.
Because this conversation never would have happened if I hadn’t trusted that deep place in me that said “Reach out. They need this. GIVE.”
REACH OUT ~ GIVE
A short email. A simple song. A tiny gift of the heart, a willingness to reach and be vulnerable to another. And to hope and believe in that offering that I would be giving something to them. Something that would mean something to them, something of value to and for them. For them, not me. In the trusting of that guidance, to leap off an edge for another……
I know that sounds big. Dramatic almost. But really, in my heart, that was what it was. And truly, what it turned out to be. One of those conversations and moments with a friend, being real, caring, that I am sure I will remember for some time to come.
When you get that nudge, that still silent voice, a feeling in your heart and/or soul ~ whether you call it God, the Universe, The Divine, Buddha, Allah, Y*WEH, G*D ~ whatever you name it ~ it speaks. LISTEN. Ask if you must to be sure it is pure guidance. The idea will be filled with light, for me it is a joy in giving that is the initial impetus, the calling to be something and/or give something to someone. When it is true and pure there is a peace and stillness deep in my being. A rightness. My body being feels easy and at peace. But listen! You will hear it and know.
Don’t doubt yourself. Or the guidance. Because I could have talked myself out of that email sending that video to my friend. Something that, as it turned out, was exactly the heart and soul medicine they needed, and that they planned to immediately send to their beloved family member. And then trust. TRUST in the guidance you have gotten after taking time for discernment. And if it feels THAT right (you know by the purity that can be felt) trust and just MOVE on it!